How to Tie Up & Sensually Tease Your Lover

Sensual and light bondage play has become much more common in people's bedrooms than it used to be. And that is a wonderful thing! Bondage is nothing to be scared or nervous about, it is a great way to bring some new excitement into the bedroom.

One large part of bondage is being tied up/restrained (or restraining your lover) with BDSM restraints. It can be extremely hot to have your lover take complete control of you while you're tied up. However, you've got to go in prepared. There needs to be boundaries and a safe word, so, read on to learn everything you need to know about how to restrain your partner.

Note: One more thing before we begin, we here at TooTimid want to say that we only condone 100% consensual sex. Please only move forward with this activity if both partners have given full sexual consent.

Benefits of Restraining Your Partner:

Taking away just one of your lover’s senses (i.e. movement) heightens the sexual experience. It builds trust, it encourages creativity, it allows the restrained person to enjoy things and activities without thinking about them. It is an exercise in trust and control.

When a person is tied up there is a huge element of surrender, a surrendering of your body and will to your lover. Furthermore, in a trusting relationship, this surrender can be extremely erotic and intoxicating for both the restrainer and the restrainee. Honestly, it is an experience that you must try for yourself – and once you do, you will be begging to be tied in any manner of naughty ways.

How to Restrain & Tease Your Lover

FIRST, HAVE "THE TALK"

The first step to any type of restraint play is to have “the talk.” This means being open and honest with your partner about either wanting to tie him/her or wanting to be tied.

In a trusting relationship, and when done correctly and treated with care, it can be a truly passionate experience to bring the two of you even closer together. This consensual power exchange is often described as intoxicating and erotic for both the restrainer and the person being tied up. Honestly, it is an experience that you must try for yourself – and once you do, you will be begging to be tied in any manner of naughty ways!

NEXT, PICK A SAFEWORD

You have to make sure that both of you feel secure with the idea and you should always have a safe word. A safe word is a word not normally said within the context of sex, which indicates your level of uncomfortableness with what is going on during sex/bondage play. A world like “lightbulb” or "banana" works well. This way, if either of you is no longer enjoying what you are doing, you can say the word and even in the heat of the moment, the play must stop immediately.

TAKE TIME TO DISCUSS YOUR BOUNDARIES

You should discuss what you are comfortable with: having your legs tied, but not your hands; using ribbon, not rope; only on your back and not stomach. Any specifics that will make you both comfortable should be outlined and discussed. Then, once you have decided your level of comfort, you need to also discuss what acts you are OK with while bound. Perhaps you are OK with touching and teasing, but not sex; or, you do not feel comfortable performing oral, but it is OK to have oral performed on you. Make sure you know what you feel would be pleasurable and then you will be free to explore.

When it comes to restraint play, it is important to openly and honestly discuss it with your partner. This means being vocal with your partner about what kind of things you want to try, and maybe even the concerns that you feel. Before you start anything, determine which of you is comfortable with being tied, or being the one to tie. Having a clear understanding of this will make the whole experience run much more smoothly without complication!

START WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON

It is recommended that most couples start to slow. Meaning, try tying up your lover with lingerie on (or boxers) instead of fully nude. This will make your lover more comfortable. Make sure you restrain them tenderly, never too tight. You do not want the circulation to be cut off to the extremities.

BRING YOUR PARTNER CLOSE TO ORGASM

Take your time teasing and pleasing them while restrained. Use the fact that their mobility is limited to push the limits of pleasure. Meaning, bring them to the brink of orgasm, and then back down again. This is a fun way to experiment with restraint play.

You want to be sure you tie them up tenderly, never too tight. You never want the circulation to be cut off to the extremities. Take your time teasing and pleasing her/him while they're restrained. With any sexual act, make sure to ask them periodically if they're comfortable and ask before proceeding to ensure that they're cool with what's going on. As you play, you can use the fact that her/his mobility is limited to push the limits of pleasure! Meaning, bring her/him to the brink of orgasm and then back down again. This is a fun way to experiment with restraint play and edging.

TEASE YOUR PARTNER WITH THESE VARIOUS TECHNIQUES:

• Use a feather - Run feathers up and down your partner's body to tease them.
• Temperature play - Ice cubes can be extremely arousing. Place an ice cube on your partner's nipples and follow it up with your warm mouth can create a mix of different sensations.
• Play with fabrics - Use silk, soft cloths, and other textures to run along your partner's penis or clit.
• Use a leather belt strap (Gently) - Tapping a leather strap against your partner's body is great for stimulation. Varying the pressure of the "tapping" into light whipping is also incredibly erotic. Tapping a clitoris gently with a leather strap can sometimes even bring someone to orgasm!
• Have sex! Since your lover is at your disposal, feel free to use her / him for your pleasure in an agreed upon manner. As you get more comfortable with restraining, full on sex or oral sex can be EXTREMELY arousing when restrained. Just remember, when you are finished with your play, to remove the restraints gently and to cuddle and enjoy some intimate closeness.  

SWITCH UP THE ROLES OF WHO IS TAKING CONTROL

Couples who are close enough to experiment with restraints should have good communication and trust, and this type of sexual play can sometimes enhance that.

Furthermore, when someone who is more "dominant" is restrained by someone who is more "submissive", there is a dynamic switch that occurs and this can be extremely liberating for both partners. Having the more dominant person restrained and at your mercy can be extremely arousing! Imagine the possibilities!

This period after bondage play is often referred to as aftercare. This is when the person who was the more submissive role, in this case, the (restrainee) is comforted and reassured by the dominant role (restrainer) to allow a return to normalcy outside of the bondage/fantasy that you just took part in. Aftercare and a safeword are essentials for a pleasant BDSM experience.

So, what we're saying is, do not discount the fun you could have by alternating the roles both ways! Once again, the only way you will experience the absolutely electric joys of being restrained is to TRY IT! 

Our Best Selling Restraints & Handcuffs:

Now that we've covered all of the details of restraining your lover and teasing them throughout the process, let's take a look at some of our BDSM toys. We know that once you click on the bondage category, all of the products can be a little overwhelming. So, we put together a list of our 3 best selling handcuffs and restraints, check them out below!

1. FETISH FANTASY BEGINNER'S SILK BONDAGE ROPE SET

Have You Ever Been Restrained? Let Us Know Below In The Comments!