How to Talk About Your Sexual Fantasies With Your Partner

My fantasy is to have an encounter with a pretty trans woman. The thought of a beautiful woman who just so happens to have a penis sets all kinds of lewd thoughts in motion. I have discussed this with my wife, I’ve expressed to her that it is just a fantasy and in no way is a reflection on our relationship or any possible shortcomings in the bedroom. She asked questions and we were both open and honest about what parts of the fantasy were turn ons and why, her calm reactions and being honest has led to further exploration in the bedroom with toys and role reversal. It’s led to some of the best sex in our marriage and has helped both of us open up and share our likes and dislikes with no judgement or fear of embarrassment. It’s been a wonderful thing to be able to open up and not fear being embarrassed or ashamed of what turns us on. Best advice I’ve ever received and put into practice, be open, honest and understanding with your partner and anything is possible 👍

I agree wholeheartedly with your advice . I would emphasize a couple points. Fantasies and fetishes often have deep roots and may be lifetime things for lovers, well-established before partners ever meet. My wife and I came together rather late in life. We both agree that my imagination in the bedroom is more , I don’t know, “elaborate” than hers. She’s told me that in her other relationships her sex had been vanilla, but- and this is positively crucial- she was willing to try new things. She loves me and understands that I am simply more sexual than she is. She bought in because she loves me so much.

Pillow talk is important for communications with your partner, as much as talk across the kitchen table, but it is essential for any relationship which wants to grow and thrive. It requires no special clothing, or toys, or board games. Although I like all of these things, loving talk is primary. It must stay in the mix. Now that we’re beyond retirement age, we don’t have as much sex as we might were we younger, but what sex we do have is more important, relatively speaking and, dare I say it, much better. Quality always trumps quantity.

My wife understands that my feelings of love as well as my lust for her are crucial to me and therefore, to our relationship. I need an outlet just to let my incredibly deep love for her out. Talk is a great way to do it. The more we talk, the more we trust. I have had fetishes since I was ten years old or so. Specifically, I can remember being titillated by my grandfather’s pulp magazine covers. I am very turned-on by “damsel in distress” role play. It’s a very short leap from that to bondage and toys and so on. I also have a vore fetish. Hell, I have lots of fetishes, not one of which harms anyone. I’ve pretty much figured out that at this point in my life I am unlikely, highly unlikely, to attempt to satisfy these odd sexual urges anywhere but in our bedroom. That makes the sky pretty much the limit. I cannot possibly describe the sense of relief, freedom, and affirmation which came the night I shared my absolutely deepest and most closely guarded sexual fantasy with her. Because she loves me, because she knows it is important to me, she actively participates in our role play, even though play-acting and improvization are not her strongest suits. She likes it because she knows that I like it. Now, WE like it.

I am reminded of B.F. Skinner’s (the great 20th century psychologist) defense of pornography. He favored it simply because it extends sexuality into old age. I thoroughly concur. We watch pornography as a regular part of our love-making. No matter how you want to spice up your love-making, there’s a porn video, likely many porn videos, which involve your predilection.

The bottom line? Fantasy is, first and foremost, fun. Trust your partner. Make absolutely sure that you don’t cross red lines. If your partner says that one act or another is absolutely out of bounds, non-negotiable, accept it and try to shift your own desires to accommodate his or her needs. The more you work to make lovemaking 50-50, if you have the right partner, like I do, the more your partner will try to tip the scales in your direction.

That, is a win-win.

I could write a book here, but I won’t! My fetishes and fantasies run hand in hand. I guess that would make me a simple kind of guy. I didn’t ever go to extreme parties or anything like that, and would you believe that I graduated from college? So please allow me to say this. God has truly blessed me, and given this simple Caucasian man right here from the good ol USA, something that just about every other born again Christian man never gets to experience. God has allowed me to deeply love two separate women in my life. One was my high school sweetheart, and mother of my 3 children. We were married right out of high school for 16 years, and we dated through high school for 4 years. I’m told that this no longer happens to most couples here in the 21st century. Then, there is my current wife. We have been together for 16 years and married for 11 years. My first wife and I grew apart. I still enjoyed using enhancing drugs at times to assist with longer and more intense orgasms. She used to brag about it to her girlfriends, and told them why she likes me to use them, because she liked how it makes me in the bedroom. Then like overnight, she turned. We began to grow apart, other people came into both of our lives, and she divorced me. Only to be killed in a major car accident within 2 years of our divorce.
I must say, that my first wife and I both seemed to be in the closet and missionary with our sex in the early stages of our relationship. We practically grew up and matured together, so we were able to talk to each other. My first fantasy and at almost 60 years old, still my number one fantasy, is to have the lady I am with to wear pantyhose or thigh high stockings. This was never a problem with my first wife at all, because we were both in high school band, and she was a flag girl, and the flag girls all wore pantyhose when we wore our marching uniforms. I played trumpet. So on band trips and competion marches, guess what group I hung out with? Right! The ones who wore pantyhose!!! I graduated high school back in 1979. My favorite pantyhose, or I should say my favorite thigh high stockings were from the days of Christy Canyon, Ron Jeremy, Linda Lovelace, when porn movies were with real actors and actresses in what seem like a real movie with a plot. And the women always wore the stockings with the dark reinforced toe. My favorite.
So two things happened moving forward. About 10 years and 3 kids into our 16 years of marriage, we both were so board with each other sexually, but do not ever let it be said that we didn’t love each other, because we did. I had to drive up North to Monterey, Ca. to be interviewed to take over a grocery store at a very young age. It was a shot of a life time. So only my wife came with me. Kids stay with their grand parents. We got a room. Went to the interview, and I killed it. I was so stocked. Got back to the room, and I had bought 3 bottles of a light weight wine called Cold Duck, one of our favorite wines that we come to enjoy, but very seldom. But this night was different. We drank all 3 bottles of the Cold Duck, and the laughing began. Then I pulled out what is now considered legal in many states, a joint, and we puffed on it, and apparently, that was the ticket. We were within walking distance, or I should say staggering distance to a mall. There was a diner there, so we ate dinner. And it was like the heavens opened up. As soon as we stepped outside, what do we see right in front of us? An adult shop/Video rental store. O.K. And a Wal-Mart! So I said to myself, All Or Nothing!!! So we went to Wal-mart and bought pairs of black and suntan pantyhose and a pair of thigh highs (nude color). She was way too shy to go into the Adult Store, so I hurried and purchased two rather large toys, one vibrated and one did not. I rented a an old VCR (that I kept as a momentum of probably the night that saved our marriage), and I rented two porno movies.
O.K. So lets stop for a second. The stockings, thigh highs and pantyhose were a hit. We were in the mood together, and she wanted me to be a little rough and tear the pantyhose off of her, which I did laughing my ass off (at first). Then we both experienced for the first time, something that changed the course of our sex lives forever. My first wife got so excited, because she secretly always wanted me to purchase a dildo or vibrator, but didn’t have the courage to tell me. She squirted like crazy! So, that is my second fetish, which is to make the lady I am with wearing stockings or pantyhose, squirt like there is no tomorrow. I will save what my first wife says blew out marriage apart for the other site on here today, which was me wanting her to watch porn with me to get some ideas on how to further enhance each other sexually. She did not appreciate me watching porn at all.