Discussing Sexual Needs and Intimate Desires With Your Partner

Forming intimate connections as a couple through open, honest, judgement-free conversations is vital to maintaining a healthy relationship. 

Discussing sex, relationships, and the importance of meaningful connections as partners including the incredible, the areas of improvement, the fears, the fantasies, and everything in between, is essential. 

These conversations can feel challenging in the moment, especially when sharing feelings about a lack of sexual satisfaction or intimate disconnect. It's important to remember that these conversations can help to strengthen and form revitalized relationships that lead to improved sexual experiences.

So, where do you start?

Discuss Sexual Desire

Great sex is often times a result of a healthy relationship and healthy relationships have emotional safety. This means that trust, compassion, respect, and kindness are a part of every conversation; particularly ones involving sensitive topics such as sexual intimacy. When communicating sexual needs and desires, intimacy can become more satisfying and healing for both partners. Make it a relationship norm to reconnect with your partner by sharing new sexual interests.

Maybe you've wanted to try a different type of stimulation that turns you on but you aren't sure how your partner would feel about it. You won't know unless you communicate! When you are aware of what it is your partner wants and what they enjoy the most, you can then have discussions about incorporating those details into your sexual encounters together. 

As the listener of your partner's wants and needs, it's important to let your partner know they are heard, understood, and in a safe place. Be receptive and honest about your feelings without communicating judgement or shame. 

Be Honest

Before starting the conversation about what you need from a sexual relationship with your partner, take some time to think about fulfilling aspects of your intimate experiences and how you would like to improve other areas.

Being honest with yourself is the first step. From there, you can set the stage for the kinds of things you want to discuss with them clearly. It's common to have thoughts about your sex life like, “I wish they would give me more oral sex” or “I wish they would try using an anal toy on me.”

There's no shame in wanting something different than what's been happening, just be honest with your partner about how you're feeling! If you avoid talking about these thoughts, they can start to create anxiety and proactively diminish our sexual happiness. When you don't communicate your needs, you are communicating acceptance and you are not giving your partner an opportunity to meet your needs.

Even if your partner isn't into acting upon some of the same things you are, you've opened the dialogue so you can both feel more comfortable with being honest about your desires in the future which increases intimacy and trust.

Carving time to have a productive discussion with your partner and sharing what is going well as well as what would make sex better for each of you, then you're able to enhance your sexual experiences thus, ensuring amazing sex!

Learn & Support

Sexual fetishes, fantasies, and kinks are more common than you may think. Whether you fantasize about impact play, group sex, foot worship, role play, or other sexual experiences, it's completely natural to have an open mind and fantasize about different sexual experiences. Discuss these from a place of curiosity and wanting to understand which decreases any feelings of shame and judgement. Always be mindful of your delivery.

Feelings of doubt may cross your mind when considering the acceptance of fantasy thoughts. As long as these sexual desires are safe and attainable to incorporate into your sexual relationship, you would never know until you ask and discuss. Perhaps they've even been thinking about the same or similar things too! Be open to discussing variations of sexual experiences!!

Whether you're the listener or the one sharing your feelings, always maintain open, honest, and positive participation in the discussion.

Ask Questions

At times, you may not have any specific needs you want to discuss besides the overall goal of improving your sexual relationship. That's ok! Participate in the conversation and support your partner by asking questions about their wants, needs, desires, and share yours. Display your care and eagerness to learn about the things that matter most in your relationship.

These types of questions can show your partner that you value their opinions and care about their sexual happiness. Everyones needs, desires, pleasure, and opinions are important and should be respected as such. Relationships are about all partners involved - it's a partnership. Not any one conversation can be treated the same way. If you don't fully understand something your partner shares, don't be afraid to ask questions.

Let the conversation flow naturally around topics relating to your sexual happiness as individuals and in your relationship. Being able to talk openly and honestly about our sexual desires and fantasies is what separates “good” sex from “amazing” sex!